Top Gear

Woke up at 1 today. I'm quite good at waking up at absurd times now.
Mum woke me up with a breakfast in bed. Gammon sandwiches, cup of tea and a yoghurt. She sat on my bed flicking through some of my photography mags asking questions and pointing out good pictures. Then i came downstairs... can't really remember what I did this morning though, ahah. Got my draft of my Art (final piece) done. It looks really nice if i do say so myself. I've drawn a pointing finger as if it's pressing the corner of the page, then from the tip of the finger is swirls, which spread outwards into large patterns. Our module theme at the moment is 'colour', so to add that to my peice i'm going to do the swirls near to the finger in black & white, and the colour will spread out and the edges of the page will be bright and beautiful. I'll scan it when i'm finished :D.
Watching Top Gear atm.

Family: My friend the sun

Dad got me into this song. I recommend it.

I've had a good Friday & Saturday :) As previously mentioned, Cameron came round yesterday because he had a film - 'Taken'- that he desperately wanted to watch. So he came round, and said 'oh i was speaking to Mike (one of our friends from school) earlier, and he was up for coming'. I said 'oh is he coming?' Cameron shrugged and mumbled something. I said '... shall i invite him then?' So Mike came :) at 8 in the evening. Aha. My parents are used to hoards of my friends randomly turning up now - so now i just have to tell them to get extra food. First of all we watched 'Taken', then we had KFC. I've still got dirty plates on my desk. YUCK. Then we talked alot - spent a while messing about, throwing things at eachother, drawing on my wall, taking pictures and playing loud music & whacking the guys for jumping on my bed. Then we suggested that they slept round. So Michael called his Dad, Cameron called his, and they were mine for the night ;)
We decided to go round to Cameron's to drop off 'Taken' cause his Dad wanted to see it. So we did. Michael was AMAZED by Cameron's house (to be fair it is MASSIVE & the whole of the front-middle of the house is glass). As soon as me & Cameron turned into the drive absent-mindedly, Michael just stood still and his mouth dropped open. He started screaming 'OH MY GOD!!' alot. It was pretty funny. Cameron picked up a few things and we took the long way round back to mine. We ended up singing a song (for dignity's sake I'm not going to mention which one) really stupidly, dancing down the street & making a FUCKLOAD of noise. Good times. We got back to mine at what we realised was about 10. We watched TV with my brother & Dad. Then i ended up showing Cameron & Mike 'Ross Noble - Sonic Waffle' (a stand up-comedian we have on DVD). I really can't explain him - but he is guaranteed piss-your-pants laughter.
We then set up Medal of Honour, and got ourselves some bubbly. We played twister at 2 in the morning (a fantastic experience, i have to say). Then i lay in their bed for a bit, taking up as much room as possible to piss them off :D. My cousins came in the morning - and got on well with Cameron + mike. Cameron left at... 2ish, because his mates birthday party was that day. Mike stayed till about five, and i WHOOPED his ass at Medal of Honour. We were on the same team but i got WAY more death counts then him. Only cause the shima field is my favourite level & I'm amazing with a Thompson.
Played Burnout Dominator. I was shit at the racing but brilliant with road rage, if i do say so myself.
Overall a good couple of days. I like that picture - it's a good one for Cameron. Mike & I look like nobs. But you can half-see some of my wall in the background.

Tomorrow I was supposed to be seeing Will for the first time in 2 weeks but we never got round to arranging anything- because first we were both busy, then he made space on Sunday but i wasn't sure if i could, now me & mum are doing some Xmas shopping and he texted me saying 'Are you free tomorrow?' and I have no credit. I'm such a shit girlfriend to him, i swear D: I HATE having an out-of-school relationship. I can never see him & I genuinely miss him.

Sia - Breathe Me

This song's about anorexia.

Was at home today. Found out that Hollie was off school too, lol.
I got woken up by my cleaner at 11 (of course). this time i didn't mind though. You see recently a girl, Danny, who lives down my road died of a brain hemmorage. She was only 23. Wendy (cleaner) knew their family really well .. so it had affected her pretty badly.
She opened the door and said 'oh sorry Beck i didnt realise you were here.' i mumbled 's'fineee'. She said 'i gotta see (dannys mum) later... see i knew their family really well...' then she started crying. I sat up and said 'aw wendy'. She said 'dyou know what? We just gotta appreciate that we're here and we're fine. When we die we'll be free from this mortal trap.' Quite intense stuff. Then she was like 'Ok because you're here.... you can make a mess, you can play your music loud, i dont care'. all emotionally. I smiled and said 'dont worry about it.' I spent most of the day talking to her about... everything. Stuff. Will. General stuff. S'been a nice day.
Christ i've been having such lazy days recently. The last time i went out was on Friday - and that was only to the West wing for a performace :L. Me & roisin went for a walk + saw cameron who MIGHT have whacked his head on the door frame, bless him. He's coming round on Friday cause he's got a really good film he wants me to see. (Y)(Y).

Deacon Blue - Fergus Sings The Blues

I saw Deacon Blue live once. They're really good...

Since my relationship with started, it's really made me think about past relationships.
The most obvious to me is Stefan. My first 'Proper' boyfriend.
I realised how fucked up i became with him. But tbh i also realised JUST how close we were. I mean even now i feel the need to tell him everything. And i know i can. We just get eachother, its lovely. But we suit more as friends then as a couple, and i hope he has a soft spot for me just as i do for him - i always will.
Stefan is skinny. He's really skinny. I mean he's literally just skin and bones - his stomach is about the width of my thigh. At the time he was going through a bad period - and he thought he was fat. He genuinely did... and it made me feel truly terrible. I mean i was actually mentally ill or something at that point - i started smoking, drinking & self harming. I was anorexic for half a year and bulimic for the other half. I don't know why but i went through a crazy stage. I was really... really weird, and i can't explain it but people noticed. It's not stefans fault. i dont really understandd what happened to me back then - that was a really scary part of my life.


Ollie.
Aha. 4 week disaster?
Well it wasn't a disaster at first. It just turned out to be. Ollie's in my year. Cute. Popular. Footballer & cricketer. Typical GUY. Fancies anything that moves. We'd been speaking on msn constantly throughout mine & stef's relationship, and he told me he liked me. After a while i realised I'd started to like him back. My friend's party was the following week, and he asked if we could talk at the party. I'd never really talked to him properly since he told me he liked me, so i was nervous. At the party, as he'd asked, we spent the whole thing together. It was a garden party, and there was fireworks. He stood behind me with his arms wrapped around my waist - and we watched the fireworks in the rain. It really was amazing and i was SO happy.
We started spending every break & lunchtime together. He'd always come to find me, and apologise heartily when he'd had football training or something.
We talked on msn every evening - and he found out that i HATED 'asking out' and everything it stands for. So the next day he took me for a walk, and said 'Well i think you're really nice, really pretty, and really funny. Do you want to be boyfriend & girlfriend?' (or something similar). I grinned my head off and said 'yeah :) ok'. We were together alot after that - unfortunately it was 2 weeks before the summer, and for the second week the whole year (apart from me and a few others) went on an activities trip in France. Stuff happened... and we broke up during the summer.

By stuff happened, i mean mike happened.
Michael. The desperate twat.

Genesis - Harold the Barrel

Someone commented on my knowledge of lyrics again today.
It's becoming my 'thing'.

Sarah Mclachlan - Fear

Today was a pretty normal day. Bloody COLDDDDD brrr.
Assembly this morning. Spent the whole thing messing about with Cameron & laughingg at my best mate's ex's hair.
Geography was first. Same thing EVERY BLOODY LESSON. Watched a bit of a video, answered the questions from the book, talked to everyone who was around :L.
Break. Didn't really do much. We were all too cold and tired :P
Business Studies was next. Me & hollie were sat next to Connor - who'd recommended that i give him a blow job as a birthday present last week. We just talked about.. memories. Me, him, Hollie & joe b - probably the most popular + funny guy in the year - were best friends. Ahaha good times.
Maths - Single period. I slept :) Everyone had a go at mr chohan again.
Engish - single period. We spent 15 minutes swapping rooms with the group next door cause their projector wasn't working. Ahahaha. Pretty funny lesson.
Lunch. We had to wait for 20 minutes to get into our form room cause the head of year was teaching someone in there. Pissed us off, ahahah. We were moody today.
Last lesson was Art. Did notttthing. Sat with Bethan the whole time + talked to everyone. I couldnt be bothered to do my work so i just helped bethan with hers. Spent the bus journey home pissing about with my brother. Was pretty jokes :D.

Dear Bobbie - Yellowcard

Do you remember when
I told you this that night
That if you're by my side
When every day begins
I'll fall for you again?
I made a promise when
I told you this that night

That i'll be fine.
Cause when I die then I die loving you.
It's alright. I'll be fine.
Cause when i die
Then I die loving you.
Loving you. Loving you.

Blink 182- Feeling This. Mine & Stefans song :L

Good morning world.
Woke up at half 12. That's pretty cool considering i only went to sleep at half midnight - so a good 12 hours :). Went downstairs - watched Star Wars II with Jamie & mom.
I'll be watching the third later - i love star wars-athons.
Looking around my room. God it's a shithole at the moment. I mean it's always been a shithole but it's really messy atm. I spent most of my life chucking clothes around looking for a good outfit so there's perminantly tonnes of clothes littering the floor. My room's the kind of room where you'll never get bored to look at - cause theres always something you haven't spotted before. Like the patterned paper thats been stuck onto one of the doors or my cupboards - or the gorgeous black & white floral pattern thats all along the edge of my bookshelf.
I'll explain what i mean:

MY ROOM.

My room is the width of a bed and the length of about 4 or 5 single beds. Pretty tiny. Ill explain how it looks when you open the door;
On the end of the wall on your right is 2 book shelves. The lower one containing roughly 50 DVDs and nothing else. The top shelf having loads of my books, and places precariously on top of the books is 4 boxes - three shoe boxes (Dekline, Converse & VANS) & my GHD box ^^.
The rest of the wall is COVERED with vogue pictures, phone numbers taped to the wall, pictures of me & friends and written messages & lyrics.
The wall on the left has a big 'Jack Wills' poster, letters from Karina, pink post-its with doodles on & a picture of a panoramic photo i made. There's also my pinboard, with various old cinema tickets, notes, leaflets, pictures & a deflated 'Krispy Kreme' balloon from my thirteenth birthday pinned to it. This is just in the left corner.
The rest of the wall is taken up with a MASSSIVEEE painting of a flower that me and Karina did. There's a huge bright orange sun behind it, and pink/red vines swirling all over the wall - spilling onto the wall opposite the door. There are purple flowers in between the vines every so often, with felt-tip black lines joining them together. Karina wrote sweet little things inside every vine, for example 'You && me against the world' or 'Angels are for heaven' or 'Teardrops aren't important'. Before we painted the flower & vines, my friend Jack wrote ugly messages all over the wall, and it looks pretty tacky with huge, scratchy writing in between the vines. There's a big anime girl in between the vines above my bed - that Eilish drew.
The wall opposite has LOTS of lyrics & inside jokes written on it, as well as my tiny little window. My bed is lengthways underneath the window. From the doorway, my desk is facing the RIGHT wall, up against the left one. It has my computer, phone, camera, lamp and alarm clock on it, as well as lots of makeup, lots of old mugs, LOTS of paper, glasses, skin wipes, necklaces and jewellry littered around the place.
Against the same wall as the door, is the weird shelving things that have always been there and the pole thing where i hang all my clothes. above those is the cupboard which has old games & various hidden bottles of alcahol >.<. Underneath where i hang all my clothes i've dumped a load of clothes and books and stuff. It's a pile that SERIOUSLy needs sorting out - but i can't fit all my clothes on the pole thing and it pisses me off. Hanging off the handle of the cuboard above my shelves is a hanger with about 10 scarves wrapped aroudn it. my bed has 3 pillows, a brown quilt, a dark brown throw and about 6 cushions >.<. Its proper comfy.

Well that's not ALL of my room - but its the bits i can explain. My room's really... er.. eye catching lol. Very me. Random patterns everywhere - little bits & bobs. There's a small necklace of my Nana's wrapped around my webcam & dangling in front of my computer screen. There's pink patterned paper sellotaped to the rim of my computer screen (don't ask i got bored).
:D.

Run for cover - Streetwalkers

Blame the song i'm listening to on my Dad - i'm currently on my mum's computer, which unfortunately is opposite my Dad's and he's playing music REALLY loud. You'll often hear lots of different types of loud music coming from different rooms of my house all at the same time. I'll give you a typical example:
You'll stand on the landing, with 'Macabbees- Toothepaste Kisses' playing on full from my room, and hear my brother playing his own compositions from his room.
You'll walk downstairs and hear my dad blasting 'Athlete' or 'Longview' on full volume from his computer in the study while he's cooking in the kitchen. Then you'll come into the dining room and hear my mum practising some of her own stuff on the guitar.
So it's often very confusing ... and loud... at number #45 :)

I haven't written on here in a while. It's not that i haven't had anything to say... i just kept forgetting :)
But here i am. Only updates i can think of are
1) ME AND CAMERON ARE CLOSE AS EVER. I love that boy :)
2) No longer single. Will (L).

Everything else is pretty regular. Eheheh.

Today.
I wasn't in school. Woke up with a SPLITTING headache, turned my alarm off and went back to sleep. Mum came in later saying 'three minutes and we're leaving', i asked her for a paracetamol and she did, gave me a hug and left. My cleaner, Wendy, barged in at 11:40 shouting around apologising for waking me up. Didn't stop her jabbering on though. (She's bonkers). :D. Chatted with her while she cleaned the house and helped herself to our food. Ha.
Watched Gilmore Girls - a new favourite for me and karina.
Ran up and down the stairs for a while. Saw Benj curled up underneath the radiator and lay down next to him for about 10 minutes. Relaxxxxxxing.
One of my most uneventful days :) bollucks i wish i was in school. I love it :D
Will update later.